I was a believer...but I was still lost
My name is Raisa Garcia and this is my story.
Many people go through life not giving much thought to their spiritual relationship with Almighty God. Many think they are assured of Heaven simply because they “believe in God.” This mind-set prevents them from seeking truth, as stated in Jeremiah chapter 29 verse 13, And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. I decided to do just that, seek God. This is my story.
I was born and raised in Puerto Rico.. For as long as I can remember, my mother always took both my brother and me to “church”. The church we were members of was the United Evangelical Church of Puerto Rico. While attending an Easter season service at the age of 13, I vividly remember going forward during the invitation part of the service to get “saved”. I initially resisted going forward. But, the tears began to flow, and my heart was racing. Before I realized it, I was on my way to the front to see the preacher. Reminiscing over that experience, I can only conclude that it was an emotional response, for I didn’t want to go to hell. The preacher had me repeat a prayer, which I can’t remember to this day, but there was no true repentance in my life.
On my way home from the service, I didn’t feel joy in my life but, rather, remorse for having gone forward. Nevertheless, I started “behaving” in a Christian manner: attending regular services, tithing, joining the choir, reading my Bible, and visiting others to bring the Gospel to them. All of these actions were mechanical on my part, not acts of love towards my Savior.
I was married in 1976. Soon after my marriage, I moved from Puerto Rico to the United States. Due to the nature of my husband’s work, we have moved many times during our marriage. Although we always attended church, my desire to serve Christ, read the Bible and remain an active Christian diminished over time. Trying to justify my actions, I blamed my behavior on my shortcomings in comprehending the English language.
After having lived in the Philippines for four years, my husband’s job was eliminated and we had to return to the United States. Having experienced many difficulties in our marriage, my husband decided, prior to coming to America, that we were going to find a church where we could grow spiritually, be active and serve the Lord. Although my husband’s job was in New Jersey, by the grace of God, we ended up finding a house in Pennsylvania. We simply couldn’t afford a house in New Jersey, due to the high property taxes in that state.
Having settled in the Lehigh Valley of Pennsylvania, we set out looking for a church that would help us meet our goals of growing spiritually, learning to love Christ more, to become active Christians helping to disciple others. The Holy Spirit led us to join the Lehigh Valley Baptist Church. In August, 1993, the pastor began a series of messages on the topic of “Revival”. The term wasn’t new to me, but I didn’t really comprehend its true meaning. It is a term used by believers in Christ to describe the renewal and joy of rededicating oneself to serving God. It is turning over one’s life, and surrendering totally to God. This is exactly what I wanted.
During this time, my husband was involved in bringing a Bible study to another person in the community. I decided to accompany him during the fourth and final lesson. The Holy Spirit used this lesson to lead me to question my salvation. For the first time in my life, I had doubts whether I was heaven-bound. Having expressed my feelings to my pastor, he prayed with me and gave me additional material to read and study. After careful study of the material, I came to the conclusion that I was indeed lost and not a child of God. I had never really, honestly, repented of my sins. Nor had I experienced a “new life” in Christ. My mood was one of sorrow and depression after having come to this conclusion. My questions were directed towards God. Why I had been deceived these many years into thinking that my works, behavior, and earthly “sacrifices” had been enough to acquire the grace of God. I was led to read Obadiah verses 3 and 4 in my Bible. It said, The pride of thine heart hath deceived thee, thou that dwellest in the clefts of the rock, whose habitation is high; that saith in his heart, Who shall bring me down to the ground? Though thou exalt thyself as the eagle, and though thou set thy nest among the stars, thence will I bring thee down, saith the Lord. Even though the Spirit of God was convicting me of my lost condition, still my pride prevented me from repenting and accepting Christ.
On Friday, September 24, 1993, God brought to my memory two verses: First, Psalm chapter 8, verse 4, What is man, that thou art mindful of him? And the son of man, that thou visitest him? Secondly, Job chapter 42, verse 6 Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes. This is where my pride was broken; I recognized that I was a hell-bound sinner; that I didn’t merit the sacrifice that Christ paid for me on Calvary; that my claim of salvation at the age of 13 was a vain profession for I had not repented of my sins. That very morning I knelt, asked God to forgive me, repented of my sin, claimed the blood of Christ for my salvation, and completely surrendered my life to my Savior. A wonderful peace and joy came over me at that time. Tears of joy began to flow on my face. Immediately, I called my husband at work and told him the good news. We both rejoiced and thanked God for the salvation of another soul