Be Still and Know That I Am God
All my life I attended church. I was baptized and confirmed. I enjoyed some of the hymns and would try to read my Bible. But I did not understand what I read. I joined Bible studies, but I was often pre-occupied with other things in my life.
One time at work I was speaking to a co-worker about spiritual things. He challenged my thinking about heaven and hell and the destination of a loved one that had passed away. I did not like what he was saying, and after that conversation, we did not talk much.
"I wondered, 'How do I know I’m saved?'”
I continued to attend church and was involved in serving, but I was not committed. I would hear from professing Christians about knowing Jesus - I thought because I went to church and prayed a prayer, I knew Jesus. Looking back, I did not understand.
For years, I went along like that, thinking I was right with God and living my life - doing things my way. Then, many close relationships in my life began to go wrong, and I became frustrated, angry, and wanted someone to blame. You see, relationships were something I treasured, and I wanted to be accepted and loved. I wondered where God was and wanted to know, from the Bible, how to deal with my life. In 2014, I spoke with a woman I know and shared with her the bad things that were happening to me and wondered where God was in it all. She asked me a question, “what is your part in all of this, Barbara?” I was crushed by her question because in my mind everything was because of someone else - not because of anything I had done. Then she shared with me Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” With her help, I began to really look at Scripture. I searched the Bible for verses on love, and the first verse I found was from Deuteronomy 6:5, “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.” I was thankful for her help and found that reading Scripture and making a few changes seemed to be helping.
"That is when I understood that God wanted to know me."
That is when I understood that God wanted to know me. I could relate to the parable and as I studied it; I realized I had a lot in common with the prodigal son. I wanted to live my life my way, and I did not want God to be a part of it unless things would be my way. But living life my way had left me empty and bitter, and it was the direct result of my sin against God. God showed me that we were separated because I chose my sin over Him. I sinned against Him and only Him. Psalm 51:4, “Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and clear when thou judgest.”
One night, in the fall of 2014, I knelt by my bed and confessed to God that my sin was against Him and Him only. I believed in my heart that Jesus Christ, God’s only Son, died for my sin and closed the separation between God and me. At that moment, I accepted his gift of salvation! Romans 6:23, “The gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ the Lord.” Through His Word, God has healed my heart and re-ordered my priorities.
My Lord is teaching me to be content and to rely on Him. Philippians 4:6, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”
Hebrews 13:5: “Let your conversation be without covetousness, and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”
God’s love drew me to Him and to an acceptance of what Christ has done for me. I just needed to, “be still and know that He is God.”