I Needed to trust Christ Alone!
My name is Jordan, and this is my story.
I’ve had the privilege to grow up in a Christian home, learn about God, and hear His Word preached in church. I learned that there is one God Who created all things, and that He created us for His pleasure and glory. I also learned that man rebelled against God and issued sin into the world. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” Because of man’s unrighteousness before God, and because of man’s inability to make himself right with God, Jesus Christ came to Earth to die for the sins of mankind. “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). This was the knowledge I received at a very young age.
My struggles began when I was nine years old when I prayed a prayer for Jesus to save me from my sins. However, there was no real change or desire in my heart for me to be right with God. I just wanted to pray a prayer so that I didn’t have to go to Hell when I die. This prayer was not genuine because I still did not care for the things of God!
During the following three years, God started to show me the insincerity of my prayer. I was wrestling with knowing whether or not I was truly saved and that I had a true relationship with God. Deep down inside, I knew I probably was not saved, but I did not want to admit it. I met with my youth pastor, Pastor Gable, from time to time to talk about my doubts and struggles. He graciously and patiently listened to me and gave me some literature materials that coincided with what I was dealing with. However, reading through these materials helped me to see that I was actually lost, but I would just shrug it off and try to convince myself that I was already saved.
As years went by, I started to understand what salvation truly is. Through the church services we went to and, also, through the chapel messages at school, I learned that salvation is by grace through faith. “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9). Salvation is a free gift that God offers to all men; we can’t do anything to earn it. As I continued to hear salvation messages, God mercifully softened my heart to my need to be saved.
"As I continued to hear salvation messages, God mercifully softened my heart to my need to be saved.”
I ended up doing a Bible study with my parents, but I still wrestled with confusion regarding whether I truly needed to be saved. As a result, I ended up falling into a cycle of praying a “salvation” prayer and hoping that I didn’t have to worry about doubts anymore. I thought that since I was struggling, I could just pray to get saved, and then I wouldn’t continue struggling. This was not the case, however, for I still had no peace in my heart. When I found that I was still wrestling with doubts, I would just pray another prayer to get saved and hope that maybe the doubts would subside. This cycle continued for several months.
As I made profession after profession, I still could not find peace even though I knew exactly what I needed to know to be saved. I did another Bible study with a man in our church, and we walked through the first three chapters of Romans. These chapters highlight the sin of mankind and how that man cannot be saved by keeping the Law. Romans 3:20 says, “Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.” I knew that we all are sinners before God and that I cannot keep the Law to be right with God; but I still felt that there was something missing that was keeping me from true salvation.
As a result, I felt that maybe I didn’t have all the right knowledge for me to be saved. I thought that I had to have enough understanding of my sin and enough repentance and faith in my prayer so that I would know for sure that I was saved. I made salvation a formula in my own thinking: “If I could just pray the right pray with all the right understanding, then I can know that God truly saved me.” I was so blind to the fact that salvation is only “by grace through faith.”
Every day seemed to be a spiritual battle in my mind and heart. I was trying so hard to find peace in my soul but to no avail. I went to my youth pastor again to talk about my continual struggles, and he mentioned to me about the sin of unbelief and that I needed to trust that God can and would save me because He is a God “that cannot lie” (Titus 1:2).
"I was tired of living in sin and confusion and wanted desperately to be washed and set free by the blood of the Lamb."
I continued to struggle until Teen Summer Camp of 2018. The night before I left for camp, I asked the Lord to work on my heart during that week. I told Him that I wanted to walk out of this camp knowing 100% sure that I was saved. By His grace, God answered my prayer! He worked in my heart all week long convicting me of my need to be saved. I talked with several people about my struggles, but I still felt like something was preventing me from true salvation.
It wasn’t until the last night of camp that the Holy Spirit helped me to come to the end of myself. I was tired of living in sin and confusion and wanted desperately to be washed and set free by the blood of the Lamb. Though it was late that night, I did not want to go to bed until this was settled. After asking the Lord to help me settle this once and for all, I went to my youth pastor, and he mercifully sat down to talk with me again though it was late at night. We sat on the porch of his cabin, and I told him that I knew I was lost and tired of struggling day after day. He then asked what I thought I should do about it, but I told him that I didn’t know what I was missing. He said that perhaps it was the sin of unbelief, and, immediately, it clicked for me!
All this time, I had been trying to save myself all in my own strength—trying to pray the “right” prayer, making sure everything was just right. Yet I had not trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ and in Him alone to save me of my sins. It was the sin of unbelief that had kept me back from true salvation and from believing in Christ’s sufficient work on the cross. I realized that I needed to surrender all my doubts and fears and to call out to Christ to save me from my sins, trusting that He alone would save me as He promised. Jesus said, “All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.” (John 6:37). Romans 10:13 says, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
It was on that night, June 21, 2018, that I surrendered to the Lord and simply asked Him to save me from all my sins. That night, God filled my heart with a peace that I had so long desired. I went from a desperate life of bondage to fear and sin to a fulfilling life of peace and assurance knowing that Jesus Christ forgave me all my sins and made me a new creature in Him. “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (I Corinthians 5:17).